Jokes And Funny Flames

Okay. Figured we needed this just because its fun. Plus I wanted to show off this flame someone made on a game forum:

by MadAce » Mon Mar 31, 2008 8:13 am
Yesterday my brother went to the hospital to receive his test results. Sadly enough the doctor could only affirm their conclusiveness. My brother has been brain dead for the past 5 years. Somehow his brain cells just disintegrated, leaving him with nothing but an empty skull. When the doctor had fully explained this and my brother was done eating his own feces he struggled himself to the door and ran outside. All the way he was crying, drooling and shouting things like "I'm the stupidest person alive!". The only thing the doctor said was "Well, he's quite right. He's the most stupid person alive. Having no brain and all..." My parents were heartbroken. And then I remembered your posts, feenix... I quickly made use of the doctor's computer. When the doctor saw what you had written he was baffled. And when my mam returned with my still crying brother the doctor had made up his mind. And then he told my brother: "Boy, you're NOT the most retarded person alive." Then he pointed to the computer screen. "This retard is".

Thank you for making the darkest day in the history of my family bearable. Thank you so much.

Okay well i'm sure others don't get it but i sure don't....

Talking about someones grammer and level of intellegence. Nothing too funny by itself.

Haha on the point is to post funny stuff i assume lol.

Yea I forgot to set up the joke. Now I forget the set up.

Nice.

Saw this on RS. Hilarious!

These are all from RS lol.

A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband.
Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.
You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!
There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch: you may choose any man from a particular floor,or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband...

On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs.

The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.

The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking. "Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework. "Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it"

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help withthe housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store

An atheist was walking through the woods.
"What majestic trees"!
"What powerful rivers"!
"What beautiful animals"!
He said to himself.

As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing in on him.

He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer. He tripped & fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him.

At that instant the Atheist cried out, "Oh my God!"

Time Stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky. "You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident." "Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer"?
The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian"?

"Very Well," said the voice.

The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke:

"Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen."

lmao

Okay, I got a bear joke for you.

A man is sitting on a river bank fishing, And he gets a real strong bite. So, The man yanks on the pole and starts reeling in his prize catch. Well, About that time the fish jerks and starts swimming away. Pulling the man into the river. The man drops the pole and starts screaming "Jesus Christ please save me!" Well, A bear comes up and says "Here grab my paw" The man says "No thanks, Im waiting on jesus to save me" And the bear walks away. The man starts screaming again "Jesus Christ ple..." And another bear comes up and holds out his paw and says "Here! Il save you!" The man again goes "No thanks, Im waiting on jesus to save me" And the bear walks away. The man begins to drown and as he drifts to the bottom of the river he sees the pearly gates. As he walks up to them jesus comes and meets him and the man goes "Jesus! Why didnt you save me!?" And jesus looks him in the eye and says "You idiot! I sent TWO bears to save you!"

Ive heard that joke before but it was a different version .

Yea I couldn't remember the way I heard it. Anyway, Heres more jokes.

A patron at a restaurant was continually bothering the waiter about the air conditioning: first he would ask for the air conditioning to be turned up because it was too hot, then he would ask it be turned down because it was to cold, this went on for about a half an hour. To the surprise of the rest of the customers, the waiter was very patient, walking aback and forth and very pleasant. So finally a customer asked; why don’t you just throw out the pest? “Oh, I don’t care,” said the waiter with a grin, we don’t even have an air conditioner.”

There once was a "smart guy," a "not that smart guy," and an all round "not smart at all guy." They were going to cross the Sahara Desert. The "smart guy" says, "meet here in an hour with something useful to cross the desert with!" Later on an hour passes. The "smart guy" says I brought some ice packs to keep our heads cool, the "not so smart guy" says I brought a pail of water to keep us hydrated. The "not smart at all guy" says, "I brought a car door so I can roll the window down when it gets hot!"




Shut Up and Trouble were walking down a path. Trouble got lost. So, Shut Up went to the police officer. The police officer asked, "What's your name?"
He answered, "Shut Up."
He asked again "What's your name?"
"Shut Up."
The police officer asked, "Are you looking for trouble?!"
"Yeah, I lost him down a path about two miles ago."

For weeks a five-year-old child kept telling his kindergarten teacher about the baby sister or brother that was expected at his house. One day the mother allowed the child to feel the movements of the unborn baby. The five-year-old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Moreover, he stopped telling the teacher about the awaiting event. Finally the teacher sat the child on her lap and said, “Lucas, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?
“Lucas burst into tears and confessed, “I think Mommy ate it!”

A small boy is sent to bed by his father...

[Five minutes later]

"Da-ad..."

"What?"

"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?"

"No. You had your chance. Lights out."

[Five minutes later]

"Da-aaaad..."

"WHAT?"

"I'm THIRSTY...Can I have a drink of water??"

"I told you NO! If you ask again I'll have to spank you!!"

[Five minutes later]

"Daaaa-aaaAAAAD..."

"WHAT??!!"

"When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?"


An old country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out that there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5 year old child.

The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see while he helped the woman deliver the baby. The child did so, the mother pushed, and after a little while, the doctor lifted the new born baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath.

"Hit him again," the child said. "He shouldn't have crawled up there in the first place!!"



Not gold I know, But not too shabby either.

Haha nice. I will see if i can find some later.